I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
