I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The police scanner is talking about you again....
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
