He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
