Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
