i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
