i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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