What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
