Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
