A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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