Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
