white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
