I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
