whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
