im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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