I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
