the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
