Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize