She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
