the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
