i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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