I am in a vortex of obligation.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
