Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
