how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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