Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
