I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
one two three fourrrrnication!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
