Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
