Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
