i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
