I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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