Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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