How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
