i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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