She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
