Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
4 words: hood of his car
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize