your thong is hanging out like whoa
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
