I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
