you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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