Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
