I wannas sexs uuuuu
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
