Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
