# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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