I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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