she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
