My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
