I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
