This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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