HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
