I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
