There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
