I wanna bring you to show and tell
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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