So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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