Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
