I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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