Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
